Celebrity Marriage

THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS

To a certain extent, we all imagine that the world of celebrities is quite different from that of us regular folks. However, I highly doubt that anyone imagined it to be quite this ridiculous.

Celebrity Marriage is a movie that follows the chaotic and fake life of some Nigerian actresses. It follows them from their romantic relationships, to their friendships and their relationships with their colleagues. We are first introduced to the character played by Jackie Appiah, who is supposedly a Nigerian celebrity with an inexplicable Ghanaian accent. Jackie’s character is allegedly married to a famous footballer but can also be found under the sheets with her male and female colleagues alike. Then there’s Tonto Dikeh’s character. When we first meet her, it’s her wedding day and she appears to be getting married to a man who loves her, except we see in a flashback moment that a few hours ago she was under the sheets with said man’s uncle. Then there’s Toyin Abraham’s character. She is a successful actress and producer who for some reason continues to tolerate physical, emotional and psychological abuse from a frustrated husband.

If there’s one thing Celebrity Marriage is rich in, it is the drama; on the other hand the one thing it is severely lacking in is logic. So if there’s any chance that you will be entertained by this movie then ‘leaving your brain behind’ is not just a suggestion, it’s imperative. Regardless, we think even that might not be enough to explain the incoherent occurrences that slide in and out of the screen during the 110 minute run-time of this charade of a movie. As the movie begins and characters are established, you are immediately hit with the caricature nature of the entire thing. Motifs are repeated initially and one assumes it is to establish the personalities of each character, however, when half way into the movie the same repetitions in storyline are still occurring it becomes difficult to justify.

The storyline of this movie never really takes off. Characters are doing things with barely any motivations so we have actors who simply resort to over-acting and over-animation in order to bring to life a character with little to no depth. By the time the end of the movie rolls around, no significant resolution has arrived to any of the supposed conflict in the movie. Instead it’s almost like an acknowledgement is given to each character’s issue and then the end credits roll while the overly energetic narrator tries to convince the audience that they had a great time watching this travesty.

This movie started with a scene of Jackie Appiah speaking to someone on the phone, and in that moment I off-handedly thought to myself “I hope they manage to give an explanation to why this character living in Nigeria has a Ghanaian accent”. Ten minutes into the movie, I realized that that concern of mine was tantamount to worrying about the alignment of a clock in a crumbling building. From the lighting to the storyline to the performances and the unnecessary narrator, it might be a more fruitful endeavor spending 110 minutes watching paint dry than sitting through this.