The Lesbians

“Tear my Bra”, “Kiss me if you can”, can you see how we are progressing with movie titles? At first, the lewdity was disguised. We’d name the movies “Shakira” or “Heart of Men“, when you pick them up you don’t know what to expect (disregarding their covers). And then we became a bit more obvious with titles like “Dirty Secret” and “My Fantasy“. But now, apparently nobody cares anymore. Call it what it is, “The Lesbians”.

With a title like that, right off the bat, not much is expected. However, by pumping the actor line-up with big names like Tonto Dikeh, Uche Jombo and Annie Macaulay, one is lured in with wishful thinking. Then comes the

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“If Uche Jombo is in it, then it can’t possibly be that bad, right?”

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Wrong! Money talks, bullshit works.

The complete incapability of every other actor in this movie began to make Annie Macaulay’s acting look like Angelina Jolie. Considering the complete lack of direction and entirely trivial conflict surrounding this movie, I wouldn’t be out of place to refer to this as a complete waste of time. But then again, what does one expect from a movie that was produced, directed, written and acted in by the same person.

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Wrong! Money talks, bullshit works.

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Could not wrap my head around why the director felt compelled to split the scenes every single time and for the most ridiculous things too – first Annie is watching TV. Then split screen into three. One shows the TV, the other shows her shuffling her feet into her slipper, the other shows her face. Tell me, why do we really need to see the TV? Or her wearing her slippers?

And then we proceed to the actors, I think it takes talent to be able to a select a pool of such strategically untalented acts. Not a single person, asides from the 3 leads, could act. So you can’t fault me for wondering just how much Uche, Annie and Tonto were paid to agree to partake in such a low budget lack-luster production. And whose genius idea was it to cast a man that looks like Annie’s younger brother as her father?

From the tacky outfits, to the story-less plot and the grammar-murdering subtitles, I can’t but wonder how this is not a Sylvester Obadigie flick.